Auto Wisdom

One more piece of wisdom on the back of an autorickshaw. (see the earlier one)

For non Kannadigas:

If you go after a girl - sadness
If you go after an auto - dust

Regret

News: The descendants of Che regret that his image has been so grossly commercialised.

Obama's Colour

The German magazine Die Tageszeitung had this as a cover recently. All hell broke loose and the accusations ranged from "condescending" to "politically incorrect" to even "blatant racism" and "racial prejudice". The obvious allusion to Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beacher Stowe has caused a transatlantic row.

Some even suggested that the Germans should not indulge in humour. The last suggestion is also based on the preconceived notion that Germans are not good at humour! The one who suggested that seems to be unawate that he is being a racist himself.


I have not seen any reactions to this cartoon by Bruce MacKinnon but wonder if it is going to be on the same scale. I found it equally offensive (or inoffensive).

What says you?






PS: The picture of Die Tageszeitung is from Spiegel Online @ www.spiegel.de and the cartoon is from the site Artizans @ https://zone.artizans.com/

Obama and Osama

When I write about Obama Microsoft asks me if I meant Osama. Apparently Microsoft has not woken up to Obama yet.

PS on the Last Post

I said that I was going off to see the Nadal - Federer match. This post is to say that I am back. It was over that quickly.

"What a poor performance by Federer" or "What a great performance by Nadal"?

Being a great admirer of Fed, it is hard to admit that it was either both or just the latter. But the latter is nearer the truth I think.

Football Myths - De-mystified

Football fever gripping the world from remote (to me, in India) Europe, a lot of stuff has been written about football. The more arcane of them that I came across was a scientific / statistical look at football myths. Let me admit, the claim that there are so many myths itself sounded like a myth to me. Let me list some of them and then the findings of scientists.

1. Football is chancy
2. A game lasts 90 minutes
3. One fouled against should not take the free kick
4. A goal just before half time is more important than one at the beginning
5. The danger of a goal against a team increases immediately after a goal by that team
6. A new trainer brings more wins
7. 40 percent of all goals are accidental
8. The goal keeper can manipulate the shooter from 11 meters
9. A team in a red jersey wins more often
10. Ball shot with a swerve defeats the mind
11. The team playing at home has an advantage

1. Eli Ben-Naim of the Los Alomos National Laboratory analysed the scores of 300,000 games, including 43,000 from the British Premier League, and found that a surprising 45% of the time the team considered to be the underdog won. So the ‘myth’ is not a myth but reality!
2. False! Sports scientists from the Augsburg University analysed the games from the finals of the 2006 World championships and found that the ball is in play, allowed by the referee, on an average for 55 minutes a game. Just the average 39 free kicks per match takes away about 14 minutes.
3. False! On an average when the player fouled against converted 73% of the time and others 75%. This difference is statistically insignificant.
4. False again. A goal just before half time had no significant influence on the course of the game. This was the result of the analysis from the games of the British Premier League done by Peter Ayton from the City University London
5. False too. The theory is that the while the team is still celebrating a goal there is a goal against them. This was also analysed by Ayton and found that there is no basis for this belief.
6. David Forrest from the English University of Salford put under the lens, the change of coaches in Argentina. No, new brooms do not sweep better.
7. Pre-game predictions are like weather forecasts say the scientists. Weather forecasts have a better chance of being correct than football game prognosis! 40% of all goals are accidental or happen by chance.
8. If a goal keeper stands 6 – 10 cm to the left of the centre point between the goal posts, the shooter is 60% more likely to shoot to the right. If the goal keeper stands to one side, obviously, the shooter may see through it.
9. Juergen Klinsman prefers red shirts. But it has no influence on the game! The percentage of teams having the following colours is: White 29%, Red 23%, Blue 21%, Red-White 9%, etc. The scientists could not, however, find a relationship between team colours and wins.
10. A ball shot with a spin travels in a straight line for some time and suddenly swerves as if pulled by a rubber band. When a ball spins on its own axis it experiences the influence of the air around it and is described by the ‘Magnus Effect’. Scientists conducted simulated experiments with trained footballers and found that a goal keeper could not predict the path of the ball correctly.
11. There is no such thing as home advantage, at least in football, found statistician Eva Heinrichs of the University of Dortmund. It apparently played a role in the seventies and eighties. She found that less than half of all matches were won by the home team. The statistician ascribes this to the generally lower goals per match in recent times compared to the seventies and eighties.

If this is the case for football what is the fate of cricket? The pundits use the cliché the “glorious uncertainties” of the game and still go right ahead and predict what happens to matches!!

In any case, I am off to watch Nadal Vs FedEx. I predict that Federer will win. Call me a fool? Man live by hope alone.

Euro 2008 - One More

Germany is about to play against Austria in Euro 2008.

Loew and his players are talking in the dressing room. Loew says, “Have you heard boys? Austrians are bad. But, we have to play them, there is no other way…”

Jens Lehman says, “Let me make a suggestion. All of you go to a bar and I will play against them alone. What do you think?”

“Sounds sensible” says the team manager and all the players go to a bar, have beers and play billiards. After about an hour, Michael Ballack turns on the TV: Germany 1 (Lehmann, 10^th Minute) – Austria 0 shows the scoreboard.

Satisfied, the players return to their beers and billiards. After an hour, they want to see the final score. The score board shows Germany 1 (Lehmann, 10^th Minute) – Austria 1 (Sebastian Proedl, 89^th Minute)

“Damn”, cry the players and run back to the stadium, horrified.

There, they see Lehmann with his head buried in his hands.

“What the devil happened, Jens?”, shouts Loew.

“Sorry friends, the damned referee gave me a red card in the 11^th minute", whines Lehmann.

Euro 2008 Jokes

A man is sitting in a "house full" football stadium waiting for a Euro2008 match to start. He finds an empty seat next to him. He asks the man on the other side of the seat if he is waiting for someone.

He says, "No, that seat is for my wife. She recently died and this is the first time I am watching a match without her, since we got married"

The man is all sympathy. "Oh! I am sorry. But you could have brought some relative of yours to the match".

"But they are all attending the funeral"

*******

After a football match, a man asks the referee, "Do you have three seconds?"

The referee is obliging and says yes.

"Then, please tell me all you know about football"

*******

A black clad man knocks on the pearly gates. St Peter opens the gate and asks "Have you done anything wrong in your life?"

I am a football referee. In a match between England and Italy I gave a free kick to England from 11 meters and I was wrong"

"Hmmmmm, how long ago was that?"

"about 30 seconds ago"

*******

New school. New class. Teacher wants to break ice and asks students to say their name age and father's occupation.

I am Wolfgang, I am 11, my father is a mechanic

I am Heinrich, I am 12 and my father is a brick layer

I am John, I am 12, my father is a nude dancer in a bar.

The teacher is shocked and stops the exercise. At recess she asks the boy privately if what he said was true.

"No, Ma'm. I lied. But, my father is a player in the national football team of England. It was too embarrassing to say so."

*******

How could Greece win Euro2004?

They were too slow for human eyes.

*******

What does a Dutchman do after Holland wins Euro 2008?

Switches his play station off . . . . .

*******

Teacher: Tell me the names of three great men whose names start with B

Pupil: "Ballack, Basler, Beckenbauer!"

Teacher: Have you ever heard of Bach, Brecht or Brahms?

Pupil: I am not interested in substitutes

********

Two retired old men sit in front of the TV and wait for the match to start. One asks the other, "What match is on Today?"

"Austria - Hungary" answers the other. "Against?", the first man wants to know.

********

From Der Spiegel

PS: There are a couple of more jokes. I did not understand them. It is because of my German or poor knowledge of football - I hope - and not because of my poor sense of humour.